You were never really a christian

I thought it might be best and most efficient to continue to tell my story and experiences that lead me away from Christianity from an sample of rebuttals I will likely get from Christians . We all get the same ones. They are all very predictable, and all quite disrespectful in their own way. One of the most common and by far most disrespectful I believe is to say that I was never really a christian.  Many will say it is impossible to truly experience Jesus and then willfully walk away.  As I stated in my first post, I was not on the sidelines of Christianity. I gave it all I had.There is no doubt in my mind I pursued it with vigor and experienced all there is to experience. And I believed it was real. I put forth the same arguments you will likely greet me with. I thought atheism or the belief in anything outside of what I believed and experienced was naive and borderline ignorant. To make the proverbial long story short, here is a sample of things I either experienced or did as a christian.

• Had the word Faith tattooed into my arm with a crown of thorns around it
• Spoke in tongues
• Prayed for physical healing with the laying on of hands
• Participated in prophetic ministry
• Tithed regularly and faithfully 10% of my gross income
• Lead bible study in my home as a small group leader (seen as a lay pastor or deacon if you will)
• Lead teams of people at church in other areas
• Physically helped to clear land for a new church building
• Went to conferences, retreats, and other functions outside of "regular" church attendance
• Watched TBN
• Sent money to TBN
• Drove to TBN location in Tennessee to see preachers
• Did not allow my children to watch or listen to anything that was not christian or wholesome in my eyes
• Felt the presence of the holy spirit
• Worshipped with hands in the air, and sometimes weeping
• Heard the "voice of god"
• Felt the physical presence of demons
• Made life decisions based on what god was telling me as well as those that prophesied over me

The list goes on and on.  And of course I now do not believe any of the above were actually what I thought they were.This was not a short time period either. The things above took place over a period of about 10 years. In addition I was raised in church.

The quick and convenient answer when someone walks away from Christianity is "Well, you obviously were never really a christian." For those of us that have walked away, this statement is not only very illogical but quite disrespectful. At the same time I must confess, I look at it almost from the same perspective as the Christian may. What happened? Why did I do this? Why did I spend so much time, money, and effort chasing something I now believe to be untrue? I suppose this blogging adventure my bring me closer to some of those answers, and possibly enlighten those that read it who may be in the same position.I also sincerely hope it offers something for the christian. I am not the only one. Your church is full of us. And sooner or later you are going to hear this story again...and again...again. How will you deal with it? I have some idea in that I have seen it dealt with in the church. And I doubt I will sway your approach if you are a Christian and/or a pastor. I firmly believe you will deal with it more and more however.

I suppose "You were never a christian" is possibly a logical and correct answer should that be as far as you want to explore. And for the time being I will accept that if you wish use that as your final conclusion. I will only say that if that is true, then you are not a Christian now. I was just like you. So we must accept that both you and I were not/are not Christians, or reject them both. I think it is most logical and productive to reject them and move on and see if we or I can possibly find a more suitable answer down the road.